Blessed are those who mourn because they will be comforted (Mathew 5:4).

On the Sermon on the Mount Jesus gave his disciples the beatitudes that represent the Kingdom of Heaven. One of the blessings given was that those who mourn, or grieve, will receive comfort. There is nothing more pleasant than to know that when we are in pain God promises to bring us relief. However, when it comes to grieving, we as Christians, stay stuck in the initial stage of grief; denial. We have become experts at minimizing our pain and hiding behind a façade of spirituality that hinders us from receiving the comfort promised by Jesus when are open about our pain.

 

Acknowledgement

Some of us live out our faith neglecting to experience the true joy and freedom that Scripture promises. We don’t experience complete freedom because we deny our grief. But, let’s face it, acknowledging our grief is not an easy task, it requires transparency, vulnerability and admitting that we don’t have it all together all the time. We long to project an image of spirituality and grief and pain just gets in the way of how we want to be perceived. Therefore, we hide our pain under the rug of our soul and put on smile; we put on a show. We put on what author, Dr. M. Robert Mulholland, Jr, has called our false-self. We create a self that matches how we went to be perceived by others.

Our false self gets developed out of fear and our inability to trust in God. We are unable to process our grief because there is a disconnectedness between what we know cognitively and what we believe in our hearts. Scripture tells us that if we mourn we will be comforted, but many times our heart does not believe. We then decide that we will protect ourselves by hiding our pain instead of going to the cross and surrendering it, in trust, to God. Our pain then becomes like a shadow that follows us wherever we go. We, however, ignore it because we’re too busy running away from it.

Validation

Furthermore, we live in a society where grieving is not validated. For example, on those rare occasions when a person is open about their grief, we tend to respond by saying, “don’t feel that way” or “don’t say that.” Our intentions come from a good place, but have we ever stopped to think about what we message we are sending to the one in pain. Don’t feel!

I remember growing up and battling with sadness and for many years I repressed my feelings because I was told that Christians can’t be sad. Consequently, I stuffed my feelings away and whenever I felt anything, I ate. I was able to numb my feelings for years to the point that for a while I was not able to cry a tear. In my attempt to hide and deny my grief, I was unable to be transparent before God in my prayer and cry out to him.

The problem with not feeling is that when we refuse to acknowledge our true emotions they tend to resurface or manifest themselves elsewhere. Dr. Robert Reimer, Professor, at Alliance Theological Seminary said it best. He used the illustration of beach ball to explain what happens to our undealt issues. He stated that you can take a beach ball and sink under the water but it will not stay under the water, it will resurface or pop up elsewhere. In that same manner, our grief may be hidden or denied but it will manifest itself through other emotions. Some examples are, anger, depression, anxiety, shame, and despair. These are all secondary emotions that could surface when we neglect to deal with our primary emotion; grief.

King David

If there was ever a person that understood the importance of admitting our feelings, it was King David. In Psalm 32: 3 he said the following, “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.” Just like King David, we will be held captive to our grief unless we process it. Yes, you may argue that King David is talking about sin and not grief. However, remember that one of the reasons we don’t grieve appropriately is because the deepest part of our hearts does not accept that God will comfort us.

We hide our grief and our sorrow out of fear and lack of trust in God. We therefore, know that it is impossible to please God without faith (trust) Hebrews 11:6. Fear keeps us paralyzed from receiving the blessings that God has for us. Lack of trust in God is a sin. Trusting ourselves to handle our pain better that God can is idolatry. It’s important for us to understand that healing can only come through Him. The best news is that we are not alone.

Hope

Therefore, don’t despair, there is hope. If you have unresolved grief, there is still time to find healing.  Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief bring us hope, denial is the initial stage but is it not the final stage. We can move pass the stages of grieving with the help of the Holy Spirit and reach the final stage of acceptance. With the help of the Holy Spirit, you will then be able to process your pain in a healthy manner that will bring you to a place of freedom.

God cares about your emotional health, he wants your heart and longs to heal it. The book of Isaiah 61 is titled as the year of God’s favor and the first verse clearly states that God’s favor includes binding up the brokenhearted. What does this mean to us? It means that there is no grief that God can’t mend. The Holy Spirit was sent to guide and counsel us. I encourage to stop being enslaved to pain and sorrow and allow the Holy Spirit to enter into the deepest caves of your soul and bring you freedom.

Author Profile

Yessica Ortega
Yessica Ortega
Yessica Ortega was born in the Dominican Republic and migrated to the United States at the age of 8. She obtained her undergraduate degree in Psychology from New Jersey City University. Yessica came to know Christ at the age of 12 at Iglesia de Dios en Cristo, La Senda, in Union City, NJ where she served for several years as secretary to the pastor, youth leader and translator. Yessica currently serves as part of the youth council and worship team. In 2016 Yessica obtained a Masters of Divinity from Alliance Theological Seminary in New York City, New York.
Yessica is passionate about helping people and demonstrating the love of God through mercy and compassion. Yessica Ortega currently works as an Investigator for the Department of Children and Families in the State of New Jersey where she is able to exert her passion towards helping people in the community. Please contact me at yessicao@overcominggrief.org.